Finding phoOebe

"Steinkante" taufte Scottie diese eindrückliche Gegenlichtaufnahme. "Stoneside" called Scottie this impresive back light picture.

Blueberry+mAngo+peAch yogurt... yuMMy! yUmmy! Blueberry & Mango (MNG) happens to be my favourite shopping list too! Yogurt is what I had for lunch. I quit frozen yogurt for almost two years. Expensive is the word best describe ... I am gonna pamper myself today... a day where sun shines bright above.... an age for a new breath, a morning for many many smiles, a time for a treat, a relieve to let go..., A Blessing in Disguise! Our real blessings often appear to us in the shape of pains, losses and disappointments. We're all familiar with a blessing in disguise. What is less commonly appreciated is the disguise in many a blessing. All of us have seen good come out of disaster. When you expect good to come from negativity, it will. What you think about, you bring about. Hence, I am now a positive self wanting to bring positive impact to others and me>>>myself. I talked to my X yesterday. It is somehow being planned. I guess God is working on us. I was in the Practice Room down at 5th floor, U-Hall. The reception is bad and I can never recieve any calls. Well... yesterday was odd. My cell phone rang a couple of times. I picked up ... Noises been heard but no one spoke. I finished up my last songs and headed upstairs. Instead of using the elevator... I chose to walk up the stairs. I had stop exercising for a month or so. It is time to get some warm ups. When I was half-way up to 9th floor, my cell phone rang again. I answered.... it was Jh. I am prepared as if I was expecting his call. We started the conversation in a strange way. First, greeting each other; nExt, we got stucked. Still.. I was glad.... things went well at the end. I had accepted the truth that he had changed and so do I. Different thoughts... different goals and devotions in life brought us apart. I cherished the past but things are not the same as before. I used to have doubts in the unclean breakup. Various questions aroused in me. Desired to patch things up were great. I am pleased that I was only thinking about all these and never take it into action. Come to think of it... nothing really matters now. There is no point knowing. Faith is now what I believed. As I always trusted... GOd knows what is best for us. I traded in my sorrow and I was blessed. I put a night in Suzanne's place. Thankxs for her hospitality. Had a good night sleep. Felt energetic this morning; smelt the cool breeze on my way home and I was definitely sure that I had found myself. Success in academic ... magnificent spot in Canada, splendid plans overpowering my mind. I want to waste no more time in this grieving process. I pray that Jh felt the same way. Carry no more burden, shed no more tears, no more association with loss or bereavement; be brave and courageous. We are friends and hopefully the best ever. I had been polished. Cheers!

What a miserable day!

Love is the sweetest thing when you learn to cherish it. It breaks your heart in times; just let the history go and may a better tomorrow grow in us. Put on a smile each and every second as you will never know who will fall in love with your smile. Expect less and be thankful for the people around us. Have Faith in Jesus our saviour. God Knows what is best for us.

每一天都會有一些事情獎會發生. 每一段路都有集將要來的旅程. 每一顆心都有值得期待的成份. 每一個人都有愛上另一個人的可能. 相愛...就不能害怕會有傷痕. 沒有人完整卻有人能信任才找到永恆.

Finally, I got all the chinese words typed out. It is now middle of the night. Just can't manage to fall asleep. Have a fine chat with my best buddy back home. I am seeking for comfort zone and so happens she is there for me. Thankx a lot Yen Peng. I knew you called Jh on purpose for the sake of me and I wanna apologized for the things he had said to you. Hope you won't take it to heart as you know he is just kidding. Glad to know he is now himself and found his true love. Yes, I did tell myself all these while it is over. People change ...evolution happens and life goes on. Still I have to admit I miss him. Nothing ever matters anymore. Hello???? Wake up Phoebe!!! Stop hoping! Stop waiting! Get Alive!
I am pleased that you messaged me this morning but I was away preparing for school. Never have the time for you even now. I apologized for my neglection. Your greeting lights me up.... Just a second, I paused and revised my thoughts. It was only a friendly hi and nothing much. I felt miserable the entire noon. After working on my term test for abnormal psychology, I was in the Practice room the rest of the noon. Not having any songs in my mine to practice, I just sat there plucking the notes on the piano blindly. I skipped the evening class, went on to the library to edit my blog. It is not about I have nothing better to work on... OH Yes Finals are around the corner... Papers will be dued in no time. Again... my brain is paralyzed.
Something good strikes me now .... Bernice's aunt is conscious. Thank God!
Right at this moment... my mom pops in my depressed thought. I remembered talking to her over the phone while I was having my supper. She is going on MC for 3 days... seeing a doc regarding her menopause problem. She must had felt disappointed not receiving a huge response from me. Don't get me wrong.... of coz I do care but I knew there ain't anything really serious. I knew exactly what you are going through .. I had this knowledge gained from my Psychology of women lifespan. All you need to do is RELAX. You had been suffering from anxiety all these years. Stop worrying. Your son is now a big boy and me ARGhhhhhhh..... is pulling myself together. Bernice is with me and so is Doris (YP). Pat is my mentor and I still have Dr. Mather to push me to the counselor. My roomy, Ronson is acting silly everyday and brings much more laughther in 701. Mary is here supporting me whenever I collapse. Suzanne the best medicine, just by seeing her I feel better each and everyday. Gail the snoopy gal helps alot in providing me notes for Brain and Behavior whenever I skipped the morning classes. Aunty Lily's cooking fills my stomach well and keeps me growing (hopefully not side ways)..... Gareth, Kimberly and Anna are fun to hang out with. Teng, my big bro is now bz with his school activities but he really did a good job leaving his footprints here in Lethbridge; I understand you are popular in Taiwan still I wanna nag you about coming to the KLIA on July 8th 2006. Hope to see you soon! Kelly back in Malaysia is sharing her concern even she is bz dealing with her working life. Thanks to George Zeber, George Ney, Rudy the friendly senior, Tony(Pat's Husband), Glenda and her family, Akaid, Amy, Jane, Jody and all the church members. I love you all.

Life is Precious

Monday. I went to school as usual thinking where should I continue after a long break from my 1st blog which I did not even complete. I browsed through my notes before my class starts. We have a quiz today. Gail told me not to attend the class of Brain and Behavior. She said whenever I skipped the class, there won't be quiz given to them. Yeah Right. I wish… that I won't have to come for final and everybody gets an A for the entire course. Ian gave a lecture about sleeping disorder. This is a familiar scenario to talk about. I had it in the past while I was in Malaysia and have it recently. I learnt that there is nothing to do with our surrounding which interrupts our sleep. It is all about the transmitters in our brain that creates an odd sleeping rhythm in us. What really triggers odd sleeping rhythm? Moruzzi suggested that it is the brain that keeps us awake, not the noises. Besides, the major reason that causes insomnia is stress. What about stress? People who are struggling from depression often encounter manic stress. Of coz, there is way more contributions towards sleeping disorder but I am now focusing on depression as this is what had been attacking me since last Christmas, 23rd December2005. There is more about sleep walking that we had talked about and also sleep paralysis where a person wakes up, can't move and have panic response. Chinese believes sleep paralysis can be explained as being haunted by ghost but the science clarified everything through research. I myself experienced sleep paralysis recently. I was shocked when I found myself totally freeze early in the morning. I felt something is drawing closer to me but I just can't manage to shout and even move my body parts. I am speechless. Wanting so much to give Bernice a kick on her butt to wake her but still my desire can't transform into action. Yet so near but my inability to move frustrates me. I prayed. Approximately, 20mins passes, I am back to the normal self. Phew!!! What an episode…
OFF TRACK….back to 27th of March 06. Everyday's routine… I walked to the library and sat in front of the computer after attending Ian's class. Before I proceed to my work…. A bad news hit me. Bernice told me that her aunt is now in a dangerous state after the brain surgery. She was initially in good condition when she woke up from the surgery. Never underestimate what happen the next second in your life. She shivered and her entire body turned blue. Her brain was being attacked by other bacteria and she was lack of oxygen. She went unconscious ever since. We are all praying for her. Life is so fragile. So, please treasure yourself and love the people around you while they are still here. I had been grieving all these months for the lost of my love relation. I ruined myself. Tripping over depression, neglecting family and friends, hurting myself to achieve satisfaction from punishment gain me nothing but further lost. Thank God, He had been guiding me all these while. Not giving me extra burden to carry and putting his people around me to give me support and love. I am touched. I promised I will try my best to love the temple you had given me. I pray for the strength. Though, I still can't resist hurting myself in times of sorrow but I am learning.
After talking to Bernice, I emailed huijing, the daughter of Bernice's aunt. Telling her God knows what is best for us and we all need courage to accept and face the reality. The only thing left to do is to love ourselves more and not having our parents to worry about us. Just pray that God will walk her through this critical period.
I completed the final 3 forums for Phil's class. I am almost done with his course at this time of the semester. Two more finals and two more papers to deal with before closing the chapter of spring semester 2006. Just can't wait till it actually ends. Oh yes! Good news, Phil emailed me my grade. Here is what written in the email.
Hi, Huei Ling:
This is a well researched and interesting presentation looking at some of the more controversial aspects of ADD. The information you presentedseems to indicate that there are some other causes of ADD that might notbe well understood, and that there might be a role for nutrition for someof the children with this disorder. The biochemical information seems to support that this is a disorder with a biological base, and perhaps a different understanding of the role of diet may be developing. A reallyinteresting and thought provoking presentation.
Grade: 29/30 A
This news brightens my day. Thank God for being there for me and assist me through such a stressful semester. Without the Holy Spirit, I won't be able to cope well in my academic.

New Beginning

Daryl Lockyer: General Manager; Funeral Director
Riverview Chapel 610 4 Street South, Lethbridge, Alberta
Wow, tones of stuff bumping up in my mind. As if I have not been pouring things out for ages. Learning a new perspective in looking into the issue which majority of us are avoiding and initially having a fear in it "DEATH". Come on... face the truth we will all grow old someday and things will never change it is all about our conception and vision of changing. So, why are we trying that hard to prevent happennings that is out of our control. Just let it be ! When the time comes, just be brave and face it. Yeah yeah yEah... weird to start my blog in such an extraordinary way. That's me and it is the real me.. AWKWARD!!! After such a long philosophy I now wanna share my experience in visiting MARTIN's Bros Chapel. After attending the final class of the day, I rushed down to MARTIN's Bros Chapel and meet up with my buddy, Bernice. She was with her professor and other mates having a visit in and out the chapel. I requested her to get permission from her prof as I wanna join the visit badly. Though I miss almost the most important part of the visit, which is the session of embalming along with encountering the most astonishing experience that is...... having a close look at the deceased. Phew!!! Bernice shared her first look. I caught up with her eventually. A staff working in the chapel guided me to the group. When I first stepped upstairs, something shinny caught my attention. I saw various caskets being displayed in a private room. I reluctantly turned my eyes towards the group in the room next door as the general manager was giving his little presentation on their funeral programs. It was a brilliant discussion. We got together and chat a little. FAQ session was held downstairs at the chapel. Before the session ends, Dr. Ruth came up to greet me. I told her I am gonna take her course next spring and that I got another chance to visit the Martin Bros Chapel again. This visit gained me a new philosophy. Life is beautiful, Aging is wonderful and Death is a meaningful way to end our chapter in life. Pray for the dead and may God bless them in heaven.